This semester I am taking Interpersonal Communications at the U and I find this class to be SO intriguing. It discusses the different dynamic relationships we all have; covering family, friends and romantic relationships. There are several reasons as to why this class is so appealing to me- I can relate to the material so easily and can find couples that fit the theories to a T. But more importantly, I find people to be extremely captivating. I have always been fascinated with cultural anthropology and have considered this as a future profession multiple times. I love watching, studying and analyzing people and their behaviors that I find myself doing this daily anyway. Anyhow, I had motivation for writing this blog for one reason:
yesterday's topic was "Love."
Love and love lost is experienced around the world in every country, everyday. If you're lucky you have experienced love. If you're really lucky, you've experienced love lost. You learn so much about yourself when you fall in love, and learn even more when that love fails.
I am very fortunate in that my parents are still together after about 30 years of marriage (Go Mom and Dad! :P ). My parents have provided me with a good example of what a lasting marriage looks like. Despite this, I am still fairly skeptical of marriage in general based on current statistics in America and the marriages I have seen crumble.
According to my professor, a study was recently held in California selecting 40 marriages that have lasted 20+ years. Of the 40 couples, none of the couples could stand their significant other anymore. NONE.
WHAT?! None? Really?
In my research to find an accurate divorce rate, I ran into this rather surprising chart-
Age at marriage for those who divorce in America
| Age | Women | Men |
| Under 20 years old | 27.6% | 11.7% |
| 20 to 24 years old | 36.6% | 38.8% |
| 25 to 29 years old | 16.4% | 22.3% |
| 30 to 34 years old | 8.5% | 11.6% |
| 35 to 39 years old | 5.1% | 6.5% |
Ok, so I guess in order to have the best chance at staying married I better wait until I'm 39 years old+ until I contemplate marriage and even then, after 20 years of marriage I might hate my husband.
How depressing! There are tons of reasons as to why the divorce rate is what it is today including the empowerment and education of women, autonomous lifestyle we live, narcissistic mindset, etc. etc. etc. The life expectancy is (and has been) slowly rising in America which pressures us to try to force the life expectancy of love to stretch over that lengthened time.
I'm not going to go into detail about these reasons because I hope they're pretty self explanatory but given these stats and facts, how can we feel sure about a relationship and the stability of that love over time? How do we walk into a relationship or marriage not already wondering if it will eventually fail? I have proposed an interesting idea, is there an expiration date on love?
Now that I am 22 years old, friends getting engaged, married and having babies are popping up EVERYWHERE. I never would have thought I would be seeing this trend so soon. This furthers the skepticism of marriage in my mind because it seems inevitable that these marriages will eventually fail according to the stats in America. It is said that after the first 15 months of a relationship, the initial passion and infatuation begins to wear off and the "real" personalities of people surface which determines the future of the relationship. I do not understand in the least bit these marriages that take place within that time frame. Love fades. To base a life and family "til death do you part" on such a temporary feeling seems so silly at times.
I am just rambling and throwing up mental love vomit on you and don't really know what my point is. I want to know how you interpret the statistics of divorce and how you maintain optimism on love, relationships, and marriage. And maybe there is no 'right' way to describe love. . .
“Love is just a word, a label; real love is unexplainable.” -Anonymous
Rachel! -Wow!!....Very interesting stats on divorce rates! ...After nearly thirty years of being happily married, a few reasons come to mind of why marriages may fail:
ReplyDelete1.) People equate 'love' with 'feelings'. Feelings fluctuate because all of us fall way short of being perfect, or even tolerable all of the time. The day-to-day situations we all encounter add stress to relationships. Marriage is successful only when commitment to our marriage, and spouse is non-negotiable. Commitment is the glue that holds during the rough waters that all marriages sail through.
2.) The worst enemy of a success in marriage is 'selfishness'. Our society teaches that marriage is a 'fifty-fifty' effort, where each partner gives a portion of themselves to the other person. ...The wrong reason to enter into marriage is so that the other person can meet our needs. We should marry to serve the other person in love, and be willing to give selflessly see the our marriage partner fulfilled and happy.
3.) We should enter the marriage covenant with the resolve that we will become 'one' with our spouse; with the intent to fulfill our dreams 'together' as a couple. ...Having separate, independent, lives within marriage, is an attitude strongly promoted by the media in our culture; i.e, time away from each other, separate vacations, and spending time building lives and futures independent our spouses, inevitably drives couples apart. Unmovable commitment, selflessness, and joining our hearts together as one will insure healthy, happy marriages that have longevity! :)
Hey Rachel-
ReplyDeleteI was planning my comment as I read your post and then when I got to the comment section, it was if Joyce was reading my mind! Well said, Joyce:)
My husband and I (together 20 years, married 17 in December) have a tradition of always giving each other a kiss before we leave the car. On good days, it's an affirmation of our love and affection. On frustrating/stressful days, it's a second to connect and say, 'I've got your back.' And on rare days it's, 'I may want to throw you out a window right now, but I still love you.' This one small action sometimes has a large impact on our day- and it has been a great example for our kids.
It's easy to get discouraged when you look at statistics. If I had looked at statistics when I fell in love with my husband, I never would have married him- he's 27 years older than I am: Hell-o, what stat is going to validate that lasting?
But it has- and it will. We respect each other and what we bring to the world, we support each other, make each other laugh, enjoy each other's company and all that cool stuff Joyce said.
Okay, and can I just say, as someone who has known you since you were 14...I can't believe you're 22! :)
Freshmen Rule-
Kristen Lynch