September 5, 2011
Okay, okay, I'll be back in December but that's still a great song. Other than knowing my roundtrip ticket says my return flight is on December 15th, I do not know much else about this trip.
As i sit mid connector flight, I think about the adventure ahead. One of the reasons that I chose to study abroad was to overcome a huge fear of mine: fear of the unknown. I am the biggest baby when it comes to being comfortable with ambiguity. Usually I collapse under the pressure, ask for extensive emotional support or advice, or a force myself to proceed into the darkness anyway. I am the kind of person that plans events, writes lists of to do's, and needs to be fairly organized in order to maintain neurological function overall. So that sort of ambiguity completely freaks me out because I can't write anything down if I don't know what to write. The past few months looking forward to Spain has been the absolute definition of ambiguity. Friends, coworkers, and family were asking me questions about the trip ahead "What classes will you take?" "Who will be your roommate?" "Where and when will you travel?" The best answer I could offer them was a shrug. How incredibly horrifying!!! Having to cope with the lack of information made me question why the hell would I agree to this mystery trip across the globe?! I try to make the best of it through my attitude and somewhat confidence in my voice as I explain why or how I could have no idea to my friends, but in my mind I'm thinking of worst case scenarios. I have little experience of airports so I rely on the media to provide me with information so I envisioned me with my backpack strapped on, holding a bunch of papers and running frantically through the airport trying to find the correct gate and make it on time. This scene is from the amazing race if you haven't figured it out yet.
So I make up these ridiculous and scary "what if" sort of situations and totally freak myself out. Let's just say that I have an active imagination...
My mission throughout life is to become more comfortable with the unknown. This trip will help me stand on my own two feet without help and walk confidently into new lands. In other words, grow up.
I have an amazing person in my life that literally flies by the seat of his pants and he is absolutely calm and collected about it at all times. We are complete opposites in this way but I wish to be able to be more like that starting with this trip. I'm going to have to force myself to fly by the seat of my pants more often if I want to do anything other than go to class or sit at the university.
So far in the war of me vs. fear, I'm winning. I've gotten my tushy on the plane without knowing much about the next three and a half months that lay ahead of me. Send me warm thoughts and love while I'll be abroad. I promise I'll find them, bask in them and allow them to help me throughout my trip.
Chau,
xo
P.S.
As a way to help me constantly taking pictures and blogging about my experiences I've made it a goal to post at least one picture per day of what I did that day. Here's the first picture- a view out of my window from the first plane ride to Newark
